Stupid Decisions

So, I made a stupid decision last night.  I thought with all of the recent events that have occurred in my life, I should take a moment and go with friends to relax.  Why does relaxing always include alcohol?  In addition, why do I never remember that the experiences in my life have been strong enough to be the support to give me an appearance of sanity? 

So, when you forget those two vital pieces of information, you make dumb decisions.  Let us set the stage...lack of sleep for over a week, a much needed break from work, time after having your husband go through a medical emergency, and TEQUILA.  Oh such a bad combination.  Not physically, I was able to sleep after imbibing and I am awake now at 7:30 in the morning with no residual impairment besides some puffy eyes, yet I am mortified.  For when I drink, all of the good, bad, and ugly that is called my life comes spilling out and most importantly I cry.  I am a strong person and I cope fairly well when in full control of my facilities, but the evil nemisis alcohol makes me turn into a blubbering, ridiculous puddle of goo. 

Normally, that wouldn't be a problem...if I was in the comfort of my home with no one but myself.  But, no....I can't relax in that environment!  I have to do it with co-workers in a public place.  What a moron!  Then, I had to share this loveliness with my sons, so that I didn't drive and kill someone.  I hate you alcohol and all you stand for...I know after all these years being tense and control wins out every time over this absolute embarrassment.  Why didn't I listen to myself?

Well, at least I don't have to see anyone for two weeks and perhaps everyone will forget.  Right....who am I kidding???  Oh well, another wonderful stupid decision in this thing I call my life.

I need coffee.

Blogging

Does it make sense to write a blog?  Well, I have been following two of my most talented colleagues blogs for several months and was recently inspired by my niece who began blogging.  I do have a lot to say, just ask my husband!  But, do I have anything interesting enough to say that would require a public demonstration on the Internet? 

I over analyze everything.  I am a rather cautious person when it comes to sharing me, the true me.  Does blogging make you more vulnerable?  Maybe it's time to take a leap of faith.  After all, who really reads random blogs anyway?

Of course, I am also overly obsessive and probably will be checking to see who IS reading my blog. That might be awkward; a 42, soon to be 43 year old woman sitting in her yoga pants and t-shirt staring at her blog watching for the follower numbers to change.  Hmmmmmm.....

However, it the five minutes it has taken me to write this much, I have found some sense of accomplishment, a freedom to speak what is on my mind and release it into the vast arena of the web.

Fine....I will do it. I have million ideas of blog topics swirling through my head now. Is that normal? I can talk about how impatient I am for my newly planted seeds to grow, how complicated family relationships are, the funny things my students share with me...oh the list is endless! I am empowered by the power this medium allows me! I can now shout across the Internet every little thought that comes to mind......well, most of them.

I need to take a break...rethink this process, calm my addictive personality and channel my thoughts. For now...I will just end this post....with my standard line after a diatribe of information flows from my brain....

Just Sayin'  :)

This is my niece, Joanna, who inspires me!